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Sunday, January 07, 2007


Subway Superman Had it all Planned?

As Jay Leno put it: "WHO in their right mind will step in front of a moving train to save somebody they don't even know? Sorry mom it ain't me try your other son."

Apparently, according to city records, Subway Superman has all his life been pulling off seemingly miraculous rescues which according to noted statistician Bill O'Reilly CANNOT ring true according to the Factor.

Wesley Autrey (Subway Superman) according to legend once, at age 8 single handedly pulled his mother, father, 2 sisters AND the Pope from their Queens home fully a'blaze. What the Pope was doing there nobody knows but Subway Superman rescued him. Did Subway Superman SET that fire? Judith Reagan wants to know.

Ex Harper/Colins employee Judith Reagan, author of OJ Simson's "IF I DID IT" biography now proposes in her new book the theory that Subway Superman CREATES his own scenarios so that he can RESCUE his victims from scenerio's he himself created. Subway Superman spoke with Larry King on last night's show ..

KING -> So Superman. Judith Reagan says that YOU pushed that man in front of the subway so that you could rescue him. True or not.

SUBWAY SUPERMAN -> False Larry. It wasn't so much a PUSH as more of a shove. I rescued him though that's what counts. Get's me my ratings. I'm up to 4.5 stars now.

New York Mayor Bloomberg has declared Sunday as "Subway Superman Day" meaning anybody in New York with loose change in their pockets by city ordinance must transfer said change to Subway Superman's BUCKET conveniently located in front of his new 4800 square foot home at 18393 Main.

"The man fell to the tracks, all I did was save him" Subway Superman told reporters from his home before having to rescue THEM from the bucket of flaming tar that just happened to fall from his roof as the reporters were filming.
Written by President Bush

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